Monday, August 15, 2011

P.S.: Prieview of the Bridesmaid Dress

I figured that for my bridesmaid dresses, I'd try to please everyone who ISN'T me. Now, my Aunt Felicia is kind of one of those open-minded people who grew up in the 70's and had sex with like everyone. And everything. Literally. I'm pretty sure she had sex with like a pack of wild emu or something. She probably wouldn't give a rat fuck what my wedding is like, so long as there's alcohol, but I'm going to pretend like she'd care anyway so I can stomp around and be a big fat bridezilla cunt. My Grandma Sally hates any kind of skin, and was in fact a nun before being evicted from the nun factory for being over-qualified or some shit like that. So she'd probably want a floor length dress with sleeves that cover up the hands. Because hands are apparently a tool of the devil. My sister said "I just want you to be happy." And we all know that means "freak out and over-interpret everything I say, then complalin about how I want to control your wedding and act like a huge bitch." So I'm going to assume that whatever could possibly make this situation worse is what she wants. So I think I may have finally found the dress to appease everyone:


See? It's kind of like saying "I want to have sex with you, but it will take you at least 7 hours to remove this dress from my body, and by that time we'll be too exhausted for adult activities."

It's perfect.
If you don't like it, oh well. It's not your wedding. It's...not...even...mine......

No comments:

Post a Comment