Monday, August 15, 2011

Defecating with complete and utter excitement

I know it's only been a few hours since I've blogged, but I just thought I'd take the time out to let you all know that nobody wants to marry me. Still. I'd get depressed, but that would probably lead me to commit suicide. And you can't get married when you're dead. I don't think. ...It may be legal, but I don't plan on finding out whether or not it is. You know... some girls want to be successful. Some girls want to travel the world. I want a fucking wedding. With the works. I want an ice sculpture of Jesus making love to a giraffe in a tutu atop a rainbow. How much would that cost? Gimme a minute to Google it.

...
Well, I'm back. I sent an e-mail to a professional ice sculptor in Ohio, and will be posting their response to my inquiry as soon as I hear from him. Because I literally have nothing else to do besides stupid shit like this. And also school. But getting a proper education and being happy with my successes is far less important than getting married to some dildo brain who will end up hating and/or cheating on me after like 3 months of marriage. Or maybe I'm confusing marriage with all of my relationships.
Fuck. Depressing. Suicide.
Back to wedding plans. Huzzah!
I've picked out my bridesmaids dresses.
Now if only my friends didn't think I was fucking crazy for planning a wedding without a husband...

(to anyone who would like to be a bridesmaid in my "totally happening, I promise" wedding, you may contact me via blogger. I think. I don't know how this shit works. Figure it out yourselves. Comment on this shit or something.)

I've set the date. As "Happening." Just uh...working out the details on, you know, the"when someone will actually love me" part.
So, save the date.
You know, the...the date. The one I'm totally getting married on. Yeah, that one.


...the end?

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